Bismillah Irrahman Irraheem
When I was younger, I was filled with a furious, bubbling passion to help people. I had a strong sense of sympathy and compassion and was often moved to tears by hearing about the misfortune of others.
That was a long time ago.
It's not that I don't feel sympathy for others, but ever since my 'awakening' 2 and a half years ago, most of my acts of generosity, mercy, or compassion have been calculated and planned, rather than fueled by deep emotion. That is, they have been out of duty and obligation to Allah SWT, and not because I feel deeply sorry for or deeply love the people these acts of kindness are directed towards. I have often wondered, since, if this is a loss, and worried that maybe I have lost a part of my humanity.
The answer, as is quite pleasing to my rational-loving mind, came to me (alhamdulillah) after deeper reflection upon my younger self. Yes, I was filled with passion, sympathy, compassion and mercy, and yet, how often was it misdirected! My dream as a young teenager was to 'save the world', which at the time meant ridding the world of poverty by creating my own humanitarian organisation and ridding Africa of poverty. A noble dream, no doubt.
And yet, with all this supposed mercy, none of it seemed to have benefited those who have the greatest right over it: my own family. Neither my mother, father, younger brother or any of my relatives 'saw' any of this mercy or love. I had no interest in being a friend to my mother, or even a loving daughter, when no doubt she needed it then, nor my father, nor even my younger brother who many times suffered cruel coldness at my hands. I had no healthy relationship with any of these family members, nor did I put in any effort to change that. My other family members were no different, except perhaps two of my cousins who are my age and were my friends. I had no aspiration or interest in ever being a mother, and had little respect for those women who devoted their entire lives to caring for their children. "Why," I reasoned, "spend my whole life caring for a few children, when in that time I could save so many by opening an orphanage?"
That was a long time ago.
Now, by the grace of Allah SWT, revelation guides me to that which is best. I understand now, that my family's importance cannot be weighed with all the gold in the world; that they are the ones with the greatest entitlement to my mercy and love. The family is the foundational core of not just a healthy society, but a healthy world. It means my mother comes first, always. It means my emotions do not dictate how I treat my family; even when I am not feeling 'in the mood' I am always to treat them right. It means I care about my younger brother, and invest time and energy into our relationship, even more - much more - than that put into my friendships. Why? Because these are the people who come first, because Allah SWT has given them priority, and at His behest, I use what He has given me to treat them well. All of the people in this world have a place on the list, and God has shown me who is at the top, and how the list goes down:
The Prophet has a greater claim on the faithful than they have on themselves, and his wives are (as) their mothers; And the owners of kinship are closer one to another in the ordinance of Allah than (other) believers and the fugitives (who fled from Mecca), except that ye should do kindness to your friends. This is written in the Book (of nature). [Qur'an translation, 33:6]*
Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, who among the people is most deserving of my good companionship?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ The man asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your father.’” Source
In the Qur'an, Allah SWT many times commands us to give in charity, but whenever charity is mentioned, before the poor or the orphans are the relatives:
It is not righteousness that ye turn your faces Towards east or West; but it is righteousness- to believe in Allah and the Last Day, and the Angels, and the Book, and the Messengers; to spend of your substance, out of love for Him, for your kin, for orphans, for the needy, for the wayfarer, for those who ask, and for the ransom of slaves; to be steadfast in prayer, and practice regular charity; to fulfil the contracts which ye have made; and to be firm and patient, in pain (or suffering) and adversity, and throughout all periods of panic. Such are the people of truth, the Allah-fearing. [Qur'an translation, 2:177]
I understand then, and realize, that other relatives also have a right to my time, energy, and money (where applicable), and so (by the grace of Allah SWT) I go out of my way to connect with my grandparents and my aunts and uncles, even when I don't feel like it, even when there is nothing interesting to say, even when I wish I could be doing other things.
That is the difference, then. I understand that these are their rights, and those who have rights over me come first.When you make pleasing Allah SWT your priority, emotion does not guide (or mislead!) your actions, but rather knowledge. You do not wait for a signal or burst of compassion to move you in the right direction towards an act of mercy, Allah SWT's guidance shows you the right path, and your mercy fuel is not exhausted in the wrong direction.
That is not to say that a humanitarian organization to rid the world of poverty is not a beautiful dream, but it is a dream that is put in it's right place. In novels about rich American families (most novels I read were American), the family could be a broken home, and yet the parents are busy organizing charity events.
Family first; the rest of the world comes second.
When I was younger, I was filled with a furious, bubbling passion to help people. I had a strong sense of sympathy and compassion and was often moved to tears by hearing about the misfortune of others.
That was a long time ago.
It's not that I don't feel sympathy for others, but ever since my 'awakening' 2 and a half years ago, most of my acts of generosity, mercy, or compassion have been calculated and planned, rather than fueled by deep emotion. That is, they have been out of duty and obligation to Allah SWT, and not because I feel deeply sorry for or deeply love the people these acts of kindness are directed towards. I have often wondered, since, if this is a loss, and worried that maybe I have lost a part of my humanity.
The answer, as is quite pleasing to my rational-loving mind, came to me (alhamdulillah) after deeper reflection upon my younger self. Yes, I was filled with passion, sympathy, compassion and mercy, and yet, how often was it misdirected! My dream as a young teenager was to 'save the world', which at the time meant ridding the world of poverty by creating my own humanitarian organisation and ridding Africa of poverty. A noble dream, no doubt.
And yet, with all this supposed mercy, none of it seemed to have benefited those who have the greatest right over it: my own family. Neither my mother, father, younger brother or any of my relatives 'saw' any of this mercy or love. I had no interest in being a friend to my mother, or even a loving daughter, when no doubt she needed it then, nor my father, nor even my younger brother who many times suffered cruel coldness at my hands. I had no healthy relationship with any of these family members, nor did I put in any effort to change that. My other family members were no different, except perhaps two of my cousins who are my age and were my friends. I had no aspiration or interest in ever being a mother, and had little respect for those women who devoted their entire lives to caring for their children. "Why," I reasoned, "spend my whole life caring for a few children, when in that time I could save so many by opening an orphanage?"
That was a long time ago.
Now, by the grace of Allah SWT, revelation guides me to that which is best. I understand now, that my family's importance cannot be weighed with all the gold in the world; that they are the ones with the greatest entitlement to my mercy and love. The family is the foundational core of not just a healthy society, but a healthy world. It means my mother comes first, always. It means my emotions do not dictate how I treat my family; even when I am not feeling 'in the mood' I am always to treat them right. It means I care about my younger brother, and invest time and energy into our relationship, even more - much more - than that put into my friendships. Why? Because these are the people who come first, because Allah SWT has given them priority, and at His behest, I use what He has given me to treat them well. All of the people in this world have a place on the list, and God has shown me who is at the top, and how the list goes down:
The Prophet has a greater claim on the faithful than they have on themselves, and his wives are (as) their mothers; And the owners of kinship are closer one to another in the ordinance of Allah than (other) believers and the fugitives (who fled from Mecca), except that ye should do kindness to your friends. This is written in the Book (of nature). [Qur'an translation, 33:6]*
Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, who among the people is most deserving of my good companionship?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ The man asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your father.’” Source
In the Qur'an, Allah SWT many times commands us to give in charity, but whenever charity is mentioned, before the poor or the orphans are the relatives:
It is not righteousness that ye turn your faces Towards east or West; but it is righteousness- to believe in Allah and the Last Day, and the Angels, and the Book, and the Messengers; to spend of your substance, out of love for Him, for your kin, for orphans, for the needy, for the wayfarer, for those who ask, and for the ransom of slaves; to be steadfast in prayer, and practice regular charity; to fulfil the contracts which ye have made; and to be firm and patient, in pain (or suffering) and adversity, and throughout all periods of panic. Such are the people of truth, the Allah-fearing. [Qur'an translation, 2:177]
I understand then, and realize, that other relatives also have a right to my time, energy, and money (where applicable), and so (by the grace of Allah SWT) I go out of my way to connect with my grandparents and my aunts and uncles, even when I don't feel like it, even when there is nothing interesting to say, even when I wish I could be doing other things.
That is the difference, then. I understand that these are their rights, and those who have rights over me come first.When you make pleasing Allah SWT your priority, emotion does not guide (or mislead!) your actions, but rather knowledge. You do not wait for a signal or burst of compassion to move you in the right direction towards an act of mercy, Allah SWT's guidance shows you the right path, and your mercy fuel is not exhausted in the wrong direction.
That is not to say that a humanitarian organization to rid the world of poverty is not a beautiful dream, but it is a dream that is put in it's right place. In novels about rich American families (most novels I read were American), the family could be a broken home, and yet the parents are busy organizing charity events.
Family first; the rest of the world comes second.
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